For parents

How should I teach Buddhism to my children ?

The Buddha’s advice to parents is straightforward:
help your children become

• generous,
• virtuous,
• responsible,
• skilled, and

self-sufficient adults [see DN 31 and Sn II.4].

Teaching Buddhism to one’s children does not mean giving them long
lectures about dependent co-arising, or forcing them to memorize the
Buddha’s lists of the eightfold this, the ten such-and-suches, the
seventeen so-and-sos.

It simply means giving them the basic skills they’ll need in order to
find  true happiness. The rest will take care of itself.

The single most important lesson parents can convey to their children
is  that every action has consequences.

Each moment presents us with an opportunity, and it is up to us to
choose how we want to think, speak, or act. It is these choices that
eventually  determine our happiness. This is the essence of kamma, the basic law
of  cause and effect that underlies the Dhamma. It also happens to be the
message behind one of the few recorded teachings the Buddha gave to
his  only child, Rahula.1

This sutta,  the Ambalatthikarahulovada Sutta (MN 61)  offers parents
some important clues about teaching Dhamma to young children in
terms of both the content of what to teach and the method to use.

In this sutta the Buddha reprimands the seven year old Rahula for
telling  a small lie. The content of the Buddha’s lesson here is clear and
simple:  it concerns right speech, and helping Rahula keep himself true to the
fundamental principles of virtue.

There are several noteworthy aspects to the Buddha’s method.
First, by artfully drawing comparisons to an everyday utensil (in this
case, a water dipper), the Buddha makes his point in vivid and
age-appropriate language that Rahula can easily understand.

Second, the Buddha doesn’t launch into a long-winded abstract lecture
on the nature of kamma, but instead keeps the lesson focused on the
immediate  issue at hand: choosing your actions carefully.

Third, although the five precepts do indeed constitute the fundamental
framework for moral conduct, the Buddha does not mention them here,
presumably because some of the precepts (concerning sexuality and
using intoxicants) are simply not relevant to most seven year olds. (Perhaps
the  Buddha had more to say about the precepts by the time Rahula was a
teenager.)

Fourth, the Buddha keeps Rahula engaged during the lesson by asking
him  simple questions; this is no dry, soporific lecture.

And finally, the Buddha takes advantage of the opportunity presented
by  this “teaching moment” to expand into deeper territory, to explain to
Rahula the importance of reflecting inwardly before, during, and after
performing an action of any sort, whether of body, speech, or mind.

The Buddha thus places Rahula’s original small misdeed into a much
broader  context, transforming it into a lesson of deep and lasting
significance.

Although most of us who are parents can only dream of teaching our
children as consciously and effectively as the Buddha did, we can
still learn from his example. But before we can translate his example into
action, there is one crucial point to recognize: the Buddha’s
instructions  to his son were given by someone who really knew what he was talking
about; Rahula’s teacher was someone who truly practiced what he
preached,   a role model par excellence.

So the message is clear:

if we hope to instruct our children about matters concerning the path
of  Dhamma, we had better be sure that we ourselves are practicing on that
path.

If you extol the virtues of skillful qualities such as generosity,
truthfulness, and patience, but your children only see you being
stingy,  overhear you telling lies, or see you losing your temper, then your
message will be lost.

Of course, you need not have perfected the Dhamma in order to instruct
your children, but for your instruction to carry any weight your
children  must be able to witness firsthand that you are earnestly striving to
put  these same teachings into practice yourself.

And if you can inspire them by your example and give them the skills
they  need to know to live in tune with the Dhamma, then you’ve given them a
rare gift indeed:

The wise hope for a child of heightened or similar birth, not for one
of  lowered birth, a disgrace to the family. These children in the
world, lay followers, consummate in virtue, conviction;
generous,  free from stinginess, shine forth in any gathering like the moon when
freed from a cloud.        [Iti 74]

If you’re looking for books to read to (or with) a younger child, I
recommend the series of colorfully illustrated Jataka2 story books and
coloring books available from Dharma Publishing.

These books (in the “Jataka Tales Series”) recount stories of the
Buddha’s  former lives and provide many opportunities for discussion of basic
moral  principles with children. They are most appropriate for children under
10.

Notes
1. Seven years after leaving his home and family to begin his        spiritual
quest, Siddhattha Gotama, now the Buddha  returned on the first of
several visits to his family to teach them Dhamma. The only suttas
that record the Buddha’s instructions to his son Rahula are these: MN 61
(Rahula is 7 years old), in which the Buddha explains the importance
of  self-reflection before, during, and after performing any action; MN 62
(age 18), in which the Buddha teaches him breath meditation; MN 147
(age  20, just after his ordination as a bhikkhu), in which the Buddha
queries  him about impermanence, and Rahula thereby becomes an arahant (this
sutta  is identical to SN XXXV.121); SN XXII.91 (= SN XVIII.21) and SN
XXII.92  (= SN XVIII.22), in which the Buddha answers his questions about
uprooting  I-making and conceit; and Sn II.11, in which the Buddha praises to him
the  virtues of the homeless life.

2. The Jataka, or “Birth Stories,” is a book in the Khuddaka Nikaya
that  recounts tales of the Buddha’s former lives prior to his final rebirth
as  Siddhattha Gotama. In previous lives he was born a human, or a bird,
or a  monkey, etc.; in each life he dedicated himself to developing and
strengthening a wholesome quality of mind (parami). One Jataka story
might be about developing patience, the next about developing generosity,
and so  on.